But somewhere between being declared in remission this past April and my hair slowly but surely making its Jewfro comeback, I realized I couldn’t rely on old relationships that didn’t work; I already had enough battles going on. I wanted to feel normal again, to date like any other twentysomething.Besides, going on dates helps you forget your past and have fun in the moment, right? In job-centric, car-happy Los Angeles, that generally means doing the online thing.I didn’t expect to tell him, but when someone asks a direct question, it’s just rude not to answer.
Over the course of four months, this experiment resulted in ignoring 93 percent of the creepy/stupid messages, responding to about 12 guys who seemed normal, and going on dates with five of them.
I wasn’t going to hide the fact that I'd recently been a cancer patient, but I wasn’t going to mention it for no reason, either.
Although we had fun on our dates, I still felt like something was slightly off.
We would joke around a lot, but with each friendly jab, I realized I'd become a generally more sensitive person after dealing with cancer. I pulled myself away from him before anything serious could begin.
Regular check-ups told me I was healthy, but I rarely felt like it when I was having sudden crying jags over nothing.
And somewhere between the bad dates and the decent dates and the exes and the tears that had nothing to do with any of those boys, I realized that I didn’t really to date.It’ll be love at first sight, confirmed by a mumbled joke about the band we’re seeing or the bag of carrots one of us just dropped.We’ll swap numbers and hit it off on a seamless first date that involves bread baskets, dim lighting, and stories about our families and jobs and hopes and dreams.That sensitivity is why all of us cancer kids are different: We’ve got baggage that most people our age can’t understand.I tried to ignore that, but as hard as I tried, I a normal twentysomething.In person, we ended up having zero chemistry, which didn’t help matters. Before we even met, he would send me panicked messages if I didn’t respond to his texts right away. On our first date, we had just started talking about how he hated all things Hollywood when he noticed my scar.